purple hazeness

maybe i'm not social anymore
that's how i feel, that's what i've come to believe....

I dont feel damaged
I dont feel sad
Im not fucking depressed
it's just i've lost something inside of me

everything's weird.......
nothing falls in place, im trying to accept that

and dreams?? a waste of my fucking time

i'm not dreaming anymore.
I'm ready to live.

a step closer to insanity

breathing...
that's what i've been doing for the past 2 months.
..........things haven't been going my way, it never does.
i'm feeling like nothing, nada, N-o-t-h-i-n-g.
CONTENT
but nothing more.

maybe i make myself miserable.

......... i d i d n o t g e t a c c e p t e d
and it hurts

plainly written in the color of

patiently waitin on my acceptance letter
has got me planning for plans B and C....
I have more then enough money to hop on a plane to where ever I desire.
My aim is to end up in a big city
get swallowed in the culture...
meet musicians, and write about them


if im not accepted...im running away.

in need of a friend... or a flashlight in the dark.

Yesterday i officially broke up with a best friend...
I keep on remindin myself it's for the best,
and i know i'm pretty happy.

it's just i've been soakin in this wave of loneliness.
with no help to cure this need of attention

I keep on thinkin if i stop expectin things from people
and pourin' my soul into loving my friends
I won't fall on my face so hard....

but then i realize i'm going to get bruised anytime i take a chance in life

....i am lonely, and i need a hug.
but i'm not miserable at all

just a bet shattered, with pieces to small to put back together.

sunflower seeds (in the bag) GRAY.

ahhh.

im known to become obsessive.
it's no secret....
yesterday i drove in the pouring rain to buy this magazine.
I arrived dripping wet and fightin the urge to go pee.
After starin at the rack for 6 minutes
I realized I was a month too early..
someone else was on the cover.

I know how dumb this was
but unfortunately this is my life.
I need to devote my time to somethin other then waitin around trying to figure out when the prologue to my life ends
and the story begins.

Rare Blue

the other day
I acturally smiled.

it kind of amazed me.

im feelin positive.
free.
happy.

Im defintily fallin in love with myself
again...

lover's red

it hasn't been as Bad as it usually is
in fact i kind of forgot what day it was.
Even more shocking..
I canceled my date with the cup of Breyers I've became fond of.
But the nights still young...I might pick him up later on.


I've went to the prom by myself,
never been out on a date, or even been thought about as some one's girlfriend
No one ever liked me.
and im definitly a romantic.

It's not like im looking for much or expecting something phenomenal.
just someone just for me.

determination or better yet the color lime

im still concern about my future...

im pretty sure i want to be a journalist.

im pretty sure i want to go to london and study.

im pretty sure i want music to be a key factor in my life.

it's just achieving these goals is still a little blurry.

I just dont want last year to happen this year.

I dont want to be get EXCITED..just to be knocked down again.

so this year I am NOT stopping.

even if I have to whore or kill someone

I WILL have the MONEY

Orange

im at home , in my room

listenin to this adele track

and realizing what's wrong with me.

I'm a loser.

that's how i feel, that's how i look, that's how i dress.

I feel like i'm at the end of my road and there's a cliff i need to jump off.

I guess I'll admit I've felt suicidal for that past 6 months.

Like there's no purpose to my life.

I've felt like i don't matter for the longest, it's just saying it that makes it hurt more.

This space i occupy, isn't me.

These conversations i have with people i speak to, doesn't interest me.

I've wanted to run away and I still do.

To finally be able to breath....wow. it would be great.

This is pottery class

and my lifes on the table

and everyone's molding me

trying to shape their ideas on it

before it stops spinning

but isn't it mine?

that's why im a loser.

I don't stand up for myself enough.

or i guess love myself enough.

i guess that comes with a shattered dream.

But i'll try again.

Today i'm Orange.

most days i feel like i'm in a hole
somewhere dark
and i think i've dug it...
whether I was i was pushed in
or if i jumped in myself
is unanswered.

scribble

No matter what color i pick or

page I turn to.

This is MY book.

and im going to draw it the way i want to