purple hazeness

maybe i'm not social anymore
that's how i feel, that's what i've come to believe....

I dont feel damaged
I dont feel sad
Im not fucking depressed
it's just i've lost something inside of me

everything's weird.......
nothing falls in place, im trying to accept that

and dreams?? a waste of my fucking time

i'm not dreaming anymore.
I'm ready to live.

a step closer to insanity

breathing...
that's what i've been doing for the past 2 months.
..........things haven't been going my way, it never does.
i'm feeling like nothing, nada, N-o-t-h-i-n-g.
CONTENT
but nothing more.

maybe i make myself miserable.

......... i d i d n o t g e t a c c e p t e d
and it hurts

plainly written in the color of

patiently waitin on my acceptance letter
has got me planning for plans B and C....
I have more then enough money to hop on a plane to where ever I desire.
My aim is to end up in a big city
get swallowed in the culture...
meet musicians, and write about them


if im not accepted...im running away.

in need of a friend... or a flashlight in the dark.

Yesterday i officially broke up with a best friend...
I keep on remindin myself it's for the best,
and i know i'm pretty happy.

it's just i've been soakin in this wave of loneliness.
with no help to cure this need of attention

I keep on thinkin if i stop expectin things from people
and pourin' my soul into loving my friends
I won't fall on my face so hard....

but then i realize i'm going to get bruised anytime i take a chance in life

....i am lonely, and i need a hug.
but i'm not miserable at all

just a bet shattered, with pieces to small to put back together.

sunflower seeds (in the bag) GRAY.

ahhh.

im known to become obsessive.
it's no secret....
yesterday i drove in the pouring rain to buy this magazine.
I arrived dripping wet and fightin the urge to go pee.
After starin at the rack for 6 minutes
I realized I was a month too early..
someone else was on the cover.

I know how dumb this was
but unfortunately this is my life.
I need to devote my time to somethin other then waitin around trying to figure out when the prologue to my life ends
and the story begins.

Rare Blue

the other day
I acturally smiled.

it kind of amazed me.

im feelin positive.
free.
happy.

Im defintily fallin in love with myself
again...

lover's red

it hasn't been as Bad as it usually is
in fact i kind of forgot what day it was.
Even more shocking..
I canceled my date with the cup of Breyers I've became fond of.
But the nights still young...I might pick him up later on.


I've went to the prom by myself,
never been out on a date, or even been thought about as some one's girlfriend
No one ever liked me.
and im definitly a romantic.

It's not like im looking for much or expecting something phenomenal.
just someone just for me.